


you don't have to say i love you (to say i love you)

by extracynical



Series: to build a home [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Married Couple, Married Life, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve POV, because bucky already knows, okay back to the tags, steve doesn't really say "i love you" all that much, these are the times he doesn't really need to, this is basically just steve being in love with bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 17:24:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11879277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extracynical/pseuds/extracynical
Summary: Steve doesn’t say “I love you” like normal people do. He utters those three words so far and few in between. But one thing is for sure, he will never let a day go by without letting Bucky know that he loves him more than his whole heart and soul can carry.or 5 times Steve says I love you without really saying I love you and the 1 time he actually does





	you don't have to say i love you (to say i love you)

**Author's Note:**

> part of the [to build a home](http://archiveofourown.org/series/610588) series, a modern au wherein Steve is an Arts teacher and Bucky is his sappy History teacher husband. 
> 
> un-beta'd

Steve doesn’t say “I love you” like normal people do. He utters those three words so far and few in between. But one thing is for sure, he will never let a day go by without letting Bucky know that he loves him more than his whole heart and soul can carry.

* * *

Steve is standing all alone on the Proctor Household foyer—quietly listening to the party going on inside while getting some fresh air—when Bucky comes up to him. Bucky wraps his arms around his waist from behind, tucking his chin on his shoulder.

“Hey,” Bucky whispers, his husband’s hot breath ghosting his ear, making him shiver. “What are you doing here? Also Becks is looking for you.”

“Just getting some fresh air.” Steve replies, placing his hand over Bucky’s before letting his head lean on the side of his husband’s face. “Becks? Why?”

“She wants to thank you for the birthday present. Again. She really loves the portrait, baby.” Bucky says before kissing him on the cheeks. “You’re amazing...”

Steve can feel his cheeks heating up from the compliment. He slaps Bucky’s hand before shaking his head. He keeps on hiding how overwhelmed he still feels whenever Bucky compliments him, but really, who is he even kidding. “Stop that.”

“Never.” Bucky responds, kissing him on the cheeks again.

Steve rolls his eyes, before returning the kiss. Bucky closes his eyes and smiles. Contentment has always looked good on him, Steve thinks.

He stares at Bucky for a moment, admiring how his husband’s eyelashes fan over his cheeks, noticing how red his lips have gotten from eating those red velvet cupcakes that Winnie baked for Becca’s birthday today, and wondering how he got so lucky with such a beautiful and kind soul. “Wanna go inside?”

“Hm?” Bucky replies, his eyes still closed.

“Do you wanna go back inside?” Steve nudges his husband, but notices how heavy his breathing is. “Are you tired? Wanna go home?”

“Hm?”

Yeah. It’s time to go.

“Okay, let’s go inside and say goodbye to Becca and your Ma.” Steve untangles himself from Bucky before turning around to face him. He holds his husband’s face with his hands before tiptoeing and kissing him on the tip of his nose. “You’re tired from working and grading all those papers all day long and—”

“Babe…” Bucky sighs before slumping his head on Steve’s shoulder. “It’s my little sister’s special day. I can manage a few more hours.” He yawns again, causing Steve to raise his eyebrow. “Don’t give me that look.”

“You can’t even see me.” Steve deadpans.

“I’ve known for you 20 years, Steve. I know you’re doing that judgemental thing again with your brows.”

Steve sighs before reminding him, “You didn’t get much sleep last night, Buck. You’ve been stressed out this week. You need to rest. I just don’t want you—”

“I’m fine, baby.” Bucky assures him, lifting his head and giving Steve a peck on the lips. “You always worry too much.”

“ ** _I’m always gonna worry too much about you._** ” Steve retaliates.

This is how Steve says “I love you”. This is how he lets Bucky know that his feelings for him will never falter. This is how he confesses his undying love to his best friend, his confidant, his lover, his partner, his husband after loving him for the majority of his life.

“Steve…” Bucky breathes out, his eyes going softer and softer by the second, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Steve doesn’t need to tell him that he loves him.

Bucky already knows.

* * *

 “Coffee?” Bucky asks him after carrying him out of their bedroom and perching him up on their kitchen island.

“Coffee.” Steve answers, leaning down to kiss Bucky on the lips.

Bucky huffs out a laughter before returning the kiss. He pulls away, causing Steve to pout.  “Morning breath.”

“Like yours is any better.” Steve retorts, pressing the heel of his hands on his eyes, trying to fight his drowsiness from sleeping a little bit late last night.

“Touché.” Bucky smirks and taps Steve’s knee, before turning away to get their coffee ready. “Come on, hop off from that counter, let’s get some caffeine in that tiny body of yours.”

Steve obliges, too sleepy to even react from being called ‘tiny”, before making a beeline for Bucky, and plastering himself on his husband’s back and breathing his scent in.

Steve has always found comfort in Bucky’s scent. Ever since they were little, Bucky has been the only constant in his life (except for his Ma), and he’s been accustomed to always having the other man on his side, that whenever he got a whiff of his scent, he always felt safe. Like he was finally somewhere where he truly belonged. Bucky was and will always be his home.

“Steve?” Bucky turns his head a bit.

“Yeah?” Steve tightens his hold on Bucky’s waist, causing the other man to chuckle softly.

“You’re extra clingy today…” Bucky states, and Steve can only imagine the smirk his husband is sporting right now.

“Jerk.” He scoffs before letting go, causing Bucky to turn around and encircle his arms around Steve’s shoulders.

“I love it when you get extra clingy.” Bucky smiles at him, kissing him on the forehead.

“I know.” Steve rolls his eyes fondly. He tiptoes to kiss Bucky softly on the lips, wrapping his arms around his husband’s waist once more, pulling him closer.

They stay like that, next to their coffee maker, kissing and holding each other tight, and Steve has to stop the both of them when Bucky slid his hands on his ass, squeezing it a little bit.

“Hey…” Steve breathes out, letting his head slump on Bucky’s shoulder. “I’m gonna ruin your clothes if we continue this.”

He hears Bucky sigh heavily before cupping his face with his hands. “Why don’t you get ready for work first? The breakfast can wait.”

Steve smiles at him before giving him one final kiss. He stares at his husband for a moment, admiring how beautiful he looks with his lips all red and raw.

He’s about to make his way to their bathroom, but then he notices Bucky’s neck tie. It looks alright, but to Steve, it’s all kinds of messy. Bucky never really learned how to tie his neck tie properly, but that’s what he’s here for.

“Buck.” Steve beckons his husband to move closer. He notices Bucky pouting, causing him to laugh softly. “Come on.”

Bucky rolls his eyes but moves closer anyway. “Don’t mock my necktie skills.”

“ ** _Let me fix it._** ” Steve grabs on Bucky’s tie, and proceeds to work his magic.

He can feel Bucky staring at him, his greyish blue eyes flicking across his features.

“What?” Steve asks, still doing the other man’s tie.

“I love you.” Bucky says with reverence, his voice low and soft like velvet.

Steve looks up to Bucky’s face, his cheeks turning pink. He smiles at Bucky, letting his eyes linger on his husband’s eyes before kissing him on the lips.

He’s about to reply “Me too,” but then Bucky silences him with another kiss.  

“I know, baby.” Bucky breathes out, his nose nudging Steve’s. “I know.”

* * *

“This day is the worst.” Sam declares before taking the seat in front of Steve, dumping his lunch on the table.

“Stop being dramatic.” Clint says, taking seat next to Sam. “At least Fury didn’t assign you to the School Fun Fair next month.”

“But doing Book Fairs is not my thing.” Sam sighs heavily, slouching on his chair.

Steve just listens to them as they retort back and forth, and takes a small bite on his sandwich.

“Whatever.” Sam waves Clint off dismissively. “I’m hungry as hell.”

“Same here.” Clint agrees, taking a big bite on his burrito.

“Jesus, don’t choke on that.” Sam shakes his head at Clint, but Steve just snorts at them before looking at the staff lounge’s doorway. Bucky texted him earlier, saying that he’ll be a bit late for lunch because he got something he needed to do in the library. He’s already twenty minutes late.

“Where’s Bucky, anyway?” Clint asks Steve, before downing his cup of coffee in one go. Clint catches his eyes, quirking his eyebrow, challenging Steve to say anything. Steve just rolls his eyes.

“He’s in the library, but he’ll be here soon.” Steve replies.

Speaking of the devil.

“I forgot my lunch at home.” Bucky announces, slumping down next to Steve.

“Go to the cafeteria, man.” Sam suggests, but winces a few seconds after, remembering the quality of the cafeteria food. “On second thought, don’t. Their food is damn shitty.”

Bucky takes Steve’s hand and starts playing with it. Steve can feel his cheeks heating up because Sam and Clint both lock their eyes on their joined hands, knowing smiles playing on their lips.

“I’ll just eat a big dinner later.” Bucky says shrugging, like it’s not a big deal.

Steve is not having that.

He looks down on his sandwich, he only took a few small bites…

“Here.” Steve grabs his sandwich from the table and places it on Bucky’s free hand. “ ** _You can have my half._** ”

“Steve.” Bucky furrows his eyebrows at him, causing him to raise his own eyebrow at Bucky.

“Just eat it.” Steve orders before tugging his lips into a small smile, a secret smile Bucky only knows.

Bucky sighs and give him a small smile in return.

“This is disgusting.” Sam fake-gags.

“Do you mind? We’re eating here.” Clint groans, turning away from them.

“Fuck off.” Bucky responds, before taking a bite on the sandwich. He grabs Steve’s hand again, squeezing it.

Steve wants to tell him “ _I love you_ ”, but Bucky has that shine in his eyes, and Steve already knows that he doesn’t need to anymore.

* * *

 “Do you wanna go home now or…” Bucky asks, his thumb rubbing Steve’s as they walk hand in hand, making their way out of the art museum that Bucky dragged Steve into.

Tonight is probably the best night they’ve had in awhile. From all the work-related stress they’ve been enduring this past month, they really needed this to unwind, even for just a little bit. Steve can already feel the throbbing he’s been dealing with this past week, slowly disappear.

“Let’s walk for awhile.” Steve replies, squeezing Bucky’s hand.

They wander around a few bookshop and art shops before Bucky suggests they go and try the Greek restaurant just down the corner. After having their dinner, they decide to go and grab frozen yogurt from that shop near their apartment. Steve knows that their stomachs are gonna suffer from all this food they just ate, but he really couldn’t care less.  

They walk around a bit more, before exhaustion eventually catches up with them and they decide to head back to their apartment.

They walk along the empty streets leading up to their apartment, hands swinging between them. It isn't until their apartment is coming into sight and the noise of the main road is long gone that Steve stops them. Bucky pauses, looking down at him with a curious gaze. It’s dark but Steve knows Bucky can see him blushing.

"What's wrong, babe?" Bucky asks, squeezing his hand before bring them on his lips, kissing Steve’s knuckles. Which only cause Steve to blush even harder.

Steve chuckles to himself because this is gonna be so ridiculous, but tonight has been so great, and he’s feeling a little bit bold. Only a little bit. So he steps back letting go of his husband’s hand before extending his hand again to Bucky with a flourish.

“James Buchanan Barnes,” he says, clearing his throat for dramatic effect. He can see Bucky roll his eyes but he's grinning, so that’s already a win. _“ **Can I have this dance?** ”_

Bucky just stares at him, making him sweat for a second. Bucky pretends to decide, before he slips his hand in Steve’s and allows himself to be pulled close. They do this sometimes, slow dancing whenever one of them feels like it. Even though he’s the one who asked, Steve finds Bucky to be the one leading them both. Bucky has always been the dancer between the two of them, so there’s really no surprise there.

Bucky places his hand on Steve’s waist, and starts swaying them both.

“We don’t have any music.” Bucky points out. He hooks his chin over Steve’s shoulder and presses closer.

"I'll sing… I’ll try to sing," Steve murmurs, voice a little bit shy.

Bucky pulls his head away before planting a soft kiss on Steve’s forehead. Steve presses the side of his face on his husband’s chest, wrapping his arms around the other man’s waist.

" _There is a house built out of stone,_ " Steve sings under his breath, his voice just loud enough to carry a tune. " _Wooden floors, walls and window sills._ "

Steve closes his eyes. He can already feel the whirlwind of emotions welling up inside him as Bucky wraps his arms around his shoulders tighter.

It's their song.

It's the song Steve heard for the first time when he was over at Bucky’s house. It was Bucky’s favorite song back then and it just stuck with them.

It's the first song Bucky tried to learn on the piano, the song he sang into his hair to help him fall asleep, the night he was crying and holding onto Bucky’s hand tightly. The night his Ma got hospitalized while he was still in his third year in college.

It's everything he's always wanted to say and never knew how to say to Bucky.

_"This is a place where I don't feel alone_

_This is a place where I feel at home."_

* * *

 Bucky looks—feels—divine and Steve is falling in love a little bit more.

“S-shit—” Steve hisses, thrusting his hips back, meeting Bucky’s forward thrusts. “Ri-right there, please. H-harder.”

Bucky nips and licks and sucks at Steve’s neck as his hips thrust fiercely into him.

Steve knows it’s not normal to feel this way about another person. He thinks sometimes it’s unhealthy, how much he wants Bucky, how much he relies on him, how much he depends on him. Most of the time, it scares him how much he loves Bucky, but he can’t help it. Bucky has always been his constant, and Steve will go to hell and back to keep it that way.

This is one of those moments where he just wishes he could stop time and put this moment in a bottle so he could carry it with him forever.

“Buck—”

Bucky bites onto his shoulder, causing him to groan on the pillow. “You’re doing so well, baby. Taking me so good. You’re amazing...”

“I— Fuck. I’m close,” Steve moans, still meeting Bucky’s thrust, desperately. “I want to see you. Please.”

Bucky pulls out and lets Steve lay on his back, and it’s taking Steve’s breath away because, god, his husband is so beautiful. His skin is glowing from sweat and his eyes are so dilated and Steve feels proud because he did _that_. He’s the reason why Bucky is in this kind of state, he knows that he’s making him feel good.

“Baby, I… I won’t last.” Bucky admits, burying himself into him.

Steve’s body is aching and burning and he feels like the whole room is on fire.

Bucky lets his head fall on Steve’s shoulder, thrusting forward. God, Steve can feel his orgasm creeping up, he's surprised that he's lasted this long. The sounds coming from Bucky’s mouth, his praise and encouragements, his grunts and guttural moans, are driving Steve closer to the edge. And he knows Bucky is close too, judging by the way his breath is hitching and his moans are turning into groans.

“Together?” Bucky manages to breathe out.

“ _ **Together.**_ ” Steve whispers. Their lips meet, and it doesn’t take long for it to morph into a passionate kiss, lip-biting and heavy breathing, battling tongues and clashing teeth.

He continues to thrust into Steve, letting his hand travel down from Steve’s stomach to his shaft. Bucky slams his hips on his, pumping his cock, and Steve’s lost. He’s just whining incoherent words as he tries to keep up with Bucky’s pace.

“Shit, B-Buck— I’m gonna, oh god, I’m go-” A throaty moan is ripped from Steve’s lungs with such force, Steve can feel it burning his throat. He can feel himself stiffening beneath Bucky, clenching and unclenching impossibly tight around Bucky’s cock.

A guttural moan escapes through Bucky's gritted teeth and his final thrust is so hard, it moves their bodies and has their heads hitting the headboard of their bed. His cum floods Steve's insides, his whole body is shaking, all of his weight is completely on Steve’s. Steve couldn’t care less, honestly. Bucky scoops Steve up in his arms and runs his nose along his cheek after pulling out. Steve knows they should clean up, but he’s still too tired to even think about getting up.

“Steve...” Bucky tries to says, as soon as he catches his breath.

But Steve leans in to capture his lips before he can even get another word out. He kisses Bucky slowly yet passionately, swallowing the words Steve knows Bucky’s going to say—” _I love you_ ”— down and pouring them right back into him with everything he has. Bucky clutches his back and Steve winds his fingers in Bucky’s hair, losing himself in the overwhelming sensation of Bucky’s lips moving with his own.

* * *

 “We need to talk.”

Steve’s body stiffens.

He’s always hated that phrase. His anxiety always spikes up whenever he hears that phrase and it’s making his skin crawl even more because it’s Bucky saying it. Do they have a problem? Did he do something wrong? Does Bucky not want him anymore? That last one is a bit far-fetched, but still…

“What is it?” Steve asks in a low voice. He fiddles with the hem of his (it’s technically Bucky’s) shirt.

“Steve,” Bucky starts causing Steve to hold his breath. “I want to adopt a dog.”

Oh.

“Hear me out!” Bucky exclaims, before grabbing the animal shelter brochures on their coffee table. Okay, why did Steve not notice that before? “Okay, first of all, dogs are cute.”

“Uh-huh.” Steve just stares at Bucky.

“Second of all, those dogs need a home.” Bucky shakes the brochures in front of him. “I also heard that dogs can strengthen human bonds. They can also calm you down and stuff like that…”

“Why do you suddenly want a dog?” Steve asks, looking down at the brochures that Bucky suddenly shoves in his hands. “You’ve never talked about getting a dog before.”

“That’s before I found out there are dog breeds that aren’t bad for asthmatic people.” Bucky confesses. “Clint told me about them when we talked about Lucky.”

Bucky goes on about hypoallergenic dog breeds and how dogs can make a house feel more ‘homey’ and dogs are really great for couples like them… And Steve is just...

“I’ll take care of it, if you don’t want to do the dirty work. I will take care of everything. I’ll clean up after him… Or her, I don’t know. Please just consider it? I can wait, just think about it, okay? I don’t want to pressu—”

“I love you.” Steve blurts out.

“I—”

“I love you, and you’re a dork. Of course we can adopt a dog.” Steve takes a step closer, tossing the brochures back on the coffee table. He encircles his arms around Bucky’s waist before kissing him on the neck. “We have one problem though.”

“Problem?”

“We can’t have a dog in this apartment…” Steve says, pulling his face away from Bucky’s neck. He looks at him before saying, “We need to move out.”

“M-Move out?” He can see the surprise on his husband’s face, but it’s not an unwelcome surprise.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a few months.” Steve starts, not looking at Bucky. “We’ve been married for almost four years, and this place is getting too small for us. Getting a dog will require more space, so I was thinking maybe we could settle down properly in a nice _house_. I want something that’s really ours, and ours alone. We got the money. We already saved enough.”

“Steve…”

“I want to build a home, a _real_ home with you, Buck.” Steve says softly, causing Bucky to grab his face and starts kissing him non-stop. Steve starts protesting, pushing him lightly and telling him to stop. Steve doesn’t want him to stop though. He never wants Bucky to ever stop.

“I love you, baby.” Bucky says after listening to Steve’s protest, giving him one final kiss. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too…” Steve replies, before wrapping his arms around Bucky’s neck and pulling him down for another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading i hope you like it. also, i'm gonna start adding more to this series because i'm slowly falling in love with this story again. kudos and comments are much appreciated. love you guys <3
> 
> title credit: for him. by troye sivan
> 
> tumblr: defrostedbuck  
> twitter: defrostedbucky


End file.
